Dr. Dr. Give me the news....

It's official. I finally have a primary care doctor who knows that I am gay!  It was awesome.  She said, "are you sexually active?" and I said, "no and I'm a lesbian too!".  It was amazing to finally say that after 8 years of lying about using condoms and having sex with men.  Thanks Dr. G! 

Race to a joke

Mom: (being serious):  "Where do you think the largest Indian population is in the US?"

Laura (being serious):  "Probably the customer service line at Kohls."

Reasons I know it's time to fly across the country

I like Seattle.  I like to call it my "second city". Mostly, because it sounds cool to have a "second city" but also because when I go there, I know how to get around and I've been about 10 times now that I feel like I know the city pretty well and I have a favorite noodle place so really there isn't much more to life than that. 

Whenever I start to feel a little down in life (I take a pill).  No seriously, whenever I start to feel a little down in life and I manage to not curl up in my bed crying over my wasted life, I seem to book a trip out west.  It's the furthest away from where I can go in America so I always feel that must mean I am doing something special.  Last year, I flew across the country three times in 2 months.  This year, I already have a Seattle/Vancouver trip booked and Hawaii is in May.  And I might fly out to California or Vegas later in the spring but that is not decided yet.  I also want to go to Sedona and just sit by myself in a spa for a few days and hike around the beauty but I always say that and don't actually do it.

Morale of this blog, is I know I am ready for a cross country trip when I do a few things.  Below are these such things:

1.  Start touching my hair non stop at work.
2.  Take out the scissors and start cutting the split ends of my hair at work.
3.  Stop even trying to look nice when I go into work.
3. Wear the same exact pants three days in a row at work.
4.  Stop obsessing about the Oscars for a few days and tell myself, "I can skip that movie"
5.  Start thinking about what I should have studied in college so I would have a great job and make a lot of money by now and understand things like IRAs and stock options and feel like an adult.
6.  Obsess about getting a new comforter because I've had mine for seven years. 

I've done all 6 of these things.  Good thing I'm flying out next week.

Rest-o-lutions

Every year I come up with a list of resolutions I want to make for the New Year.  It's been a trying couple of months for me and I am so ready for the New Year. However, I haven't done my resolutions yet.  Tonight, the eve of the new year, I had a fun night. Perfect in my book. A movie, good food and some music and in bed reading by 10:30.  And I thought to myself while washing the eye liner off my face...

New Years resolutions should be sort of like getting your car inspected.  You should have 7 days after the first of the year to actually go in and get inspected.  So, technically, I have another week to inspect myself and decide what I want to do for my resolutions.  Tonight, I am just going to rest.

Wonder in Winterland

It's that time of year again when people get all excited about the falling white snow and Christmas and winter.  The time of year that people see snow and think to themselves rational thoughts like, "i can't wait to build a snowman" or "nice, i get to take out my skiis".  Or even things like, "it is going to be so pretty! I can't wait for it to snow."  Basically, it's everyone's winter wonderland of fun and good times.

It's that time of year again for Laura to completely go off her rocker at the thought of snow.  The time of year when I think to myself, "why do i live here?"  "how am I ever going to get through another winter worrying about the snow"  "it is going to be so hard for me to mentally handle this again this year."

People who don't suffer the way I do won't ever really understand what I go through in my brain.  And I hide it from basically everyone anyway so nobody can ever truly understand how I basically put myself in a paralyzed state of fear of the very thought of snow.  It's not normal or at all rational and I totally know this but I can't help it.  The idea of driving in the snow (even in my new SUV) scares me.  It scares me so much I could just cry. It's not something I can laugh at. It actually affects every aspect of my life.  I can't drive to work. I get migraines.  I can't drive to see friends.  I can't plan anything because what if it snows???!  I see a flake and my brain goes into overdrive and all I see is car crashes and people I love dying and me losing control of the wheel. 

So now, this December I have to wonder.  Why do I live in this winterland?  And how can I get through this year with a little less fear. 

Anxiety pills!!!!!  So here's to you Lexapro. Start working your magic on my nutzo seratonin brain.  Because I have things to do and places to go and yes...even snow to drive in.

Fruity

What is with all the television commericals with people dressed up like food!? Really?  It started years ago with Fruit of the Loom underwear and the guys dressed up like fruit.  Now, I suppose years ago that was creative and it was before the whole "it's cool to be gay" stuff came out in movies and tv and commericals.  But they have just taken this to a whole new level of ridiculous.

Now, we have Jimmy Dean dressed like a sun, and thunder and lightning and a raindrop.  We have a child dressed up like Manwhich sandwich.  We have fathers and sons dressed up like Burker King whoppers.

Is it just me or do seeing all these people dressed up just make you NOT want to eat this food. 

Unless someone was dressed up like my mother's brisket, an alaskian king crab claw or plate of pad thai (three of my favorite foods), seriously, I don't want to see this anymore.

12 days til Xmas: Jewz-A-Clause Tip #3

When you buy a Yankee swap gift, get something nobody will want.  That way, when you get another gift, you can trade with the person and then that person thinks you are amazing and you look like a team player.  Then you can just return the gift the next day and no money has been spent.