Tufts Shit

I work for a not for my profit organization that helps people with mental illness.  This same company offers really expensive insurance plans through Tufts with extermely high co pays.  Therefore, when I go to a therapist, it costs me $25 for 45 minutes and the entire time I'm complaning about my job. (And friends who think it's okay to date my ex girlfriends). 

I have also joined an 8 week support group for women who hate their jobs so each week I'll spend an additional $25 to listen to other women bitch about how much they hate their jobs.  I'll try it out but if I wanted to do this for free, I could probably just join a book club or something that straight women like to do.  And speaking of that, lesbian women never join straight clubs.  They always have to join gay clubs.  Once I had a friend tell me she wanted to join a bowling league (gay one) and a pool league (gay one).  And I digress...I'll save that for my $25 session.

Then I'll go to my other therapist which my insurance doesn't cover and pay $50 for 30 minutes explaining why I need to take drugs just so I can go into work and not cry.  Then I'll spend $50 a month for those drugs because my tufts insurance thinks these said drugs are Grey Goose of medicine. 

So, basically I spend about $400-$500 a month to take care of my mental issues.  Therefore, I need to keep the job that is making me mental just so I can afford to survive on a job that is making me mental.

Things that annoy me #4,569

Jennifer Hudson.  That commercial with her and Weight Watchers makes me want to dive into my freezer for my ice cream if losing weight means being anything like her.  She is like, "ohhhh oh ohh oh weight watchers."  "yayy ya ya aya, my liffffeeeeeeee is so much BEttterRRRRR."

This isn't Dream Girls, Jennifer.  Do me a favor please and go eat your collard greens and stop making me feel bad about eating ice cream everynight.

Ambilifinally

I was put on mood stabilizers for about a month. I was feeling overwhelmed, angry, irritated (just pretend you are having PMS times 50). I was also in an apartment I hated, a relationship that wasn't working unfortunatley and a job I am not a huge fan of.  As I started taking the meds and not being able to sleep and feeling completley shaky and restless but also calm and clearheaded I had to ask myself, "do I really want to control my moods this much?"  I like being a passionate peson but I also like my sleep. And I also could do without meds that people with schizophrenia take.  Just sayin.  So therefore, I am going off my mood stabilizers and I'm going to see if a new apartment, a new job and some new outlooks can do the trick just the same.  And if not, give em' back to me doc. 

Serial Dieter

Sometimes I wonder why I don't lose that 1 inch in 2 weeks that Kellogg's Special K promises me if I eat a bowl of ceral for breakfast and a bowl of ceral for lunch.

Do you think the problem is I eat almost the whole box in those two bowls?

10 Things I Learned in Hawaii

1.  When you walk into your parents room with the door open make sure your mom put clothes on after the shower.

2.  When you are swimming and almost drown, make sure you check to see that your tampon string is still in tact.

3.  When you decide to go to a Luau, make sure you have all long overdue family issues out in the open BEFORE you eat.

4.  When putting on the spray sunscreen, make sure you actually rub it in or you will get a sunburn that looks like the outline of the United States of America.

5.  When riding on a boat don't tell too many people because you will end up with too much ginger root and dramamine.

6. When traveling with your family and you see lots of roosters, refrain from making too many cock jokes if possible as it will get old.

7.  Make sure that at least two people get the same exact picture in the hopes that at least one person got a good shot.

8.  Be aware that each time you stop at a fruit stand or farmer's market, you will spend at least $40.

9.  If you see a sea turtle, just know you are going to want to touch it no matter if you are supposed to or not.  However, do not try to hug it or it will swim away.

10.  Contrary to what the waiter says the sailfish is actually the fastest fish in the ocean and NOT the opah.

F- Hired

Why is it that when non profits or any company for that matter hire an administrative assistant, they don't do a test to make sure said admin knows how to use excel beforehand.  Lately, everytime someone has a question on how to use excel or make labels, they call me and ask me to do it.  I am not the admin assistant.  What exactly are they doing all day long if they don't know how to use word and excel????? I'm serious.  Before you hire someone, you should:
A.  Make sure they know how to spell their name.
B.  Make sure they know how to put pants on.
C.  Make sure they know how to use the most BASIC functions of a computer that you need to do to be an admin so they don't say, "Laura...can you do it?  We don't know how."

I am going to snap.  The next time someone says that to me I'm going to scream "figure it out you moron!".  Then I will be fired and they will have to hire someone in my place who pay a contractor a shit ton of money to do what I do because NOBODY seems to know how. 

You know what annoys me #8,455?

When I am trying to park; in particular parallel park, and a stranger walks up to my car and trys to direct me.  It makes me all nervous and I can't stand it.  I know that stranger is trying to help but it always just infuriates me.  I'LL FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF!  It might take 3 or 4 tries to get into a tough spot but I'll get there.  And if I can't, I'll drive and find another one.

Today, I wasn't driving but someone else was and I was in the passenger seat. I had to actually roll down my window and say, "I got this. All set."  And he kept trying. 

Of course I immediatley thought he was a mental patient because he was wearing a track suit and carrying pillows but it turns out he was just a guy helping his daughter move out of her college apartment.  Still, I'm all set.