The top ten things I learned on the 3 day this time...oh crap.

1.  When you take immodium on Saturday morning, it will be very hard to move by Sunday night.
2.  When you eat filet on Friday night and then take immodium on Saturday that makes it even harder to move on Sunday.
3.  Sunchips must have a lot of fiber.  Even the non assorted kinds.
4.  Mind over matter....especially the shitty kind.
5.  It's best to wear shorts with velcro on Sunday when you decide to will yourself not to shit until Sunday night.
6.  When you decide that willing yourself not to shit is a good idea, understand that you will look pregnant in most of your photos on Sunday.
7.  If you look pregnant in most of your photos on sunday, it's totally okay to load up on more salty snacks.
8.  Don't be jealous when your friends shit in the portie and you refuse to.
9.  When all else fails, dance.
10.  If you ever want to feel skinny; take immodium for two days, eat a lot of salt, get home and then wake up the next morning looking really tiny.

I bet you were expecting some deep emotions about the 3 day.  If you know me,  you know this cause and this event is near and dear to my heart.  Now you know what it does to my colon.

Improper?

So I'm reading the Improper Bostonian Best of and I quickly glanced at the gay section.  And they quickly talked about dyke night at Bella Luna, it made me think...

Going out as a lesbian in Boston is kind of like parking in Somerville. Confusing.  You know the signs I'm talking about...where you can only park every other Wednesday on the right hand side between 8-10 from April-May and then every Thursday on the left from 6-9 from November-June except if it falls on the third Wednesday then you can only park on Fridays.

Huh!?  Why can't I just go out. And be gay. And just go out to eat. And go dancing.  Why does it have to be this complicated???

Grape (fruit) disaster of 2010

I posted something a few months ago about how happy I was that I finally figured out how to cut a grapefruit in half but I needed a grapefruit spoon to eat it.  Well, I have backtracked....I still obviously can't figure out how to cut it..I don't have a spoon to eat it with and the plastic ones at work just don't "cut" it.  This was a disaster.

I should just date myself

I am always putting myself out on a limb with people. I embarass myself a lot.  I try my hardest to make new friends and meet new people; and hope that eventually one of those new people could eventually turn into someone I date; or even *gasp* a healthy relationship. 

The problem is I am starting to think that people are really not seeing how terrific I am; seeing myself the way I see myself.  And isn't that what we learn about all the time on Oprah or Dr. Oz or self-help books or therapy or Seasame Street or whatever???  That we should love ourselves and then someone can then in turn love us.

But what happens when we do love ourselves and we do see ourselves as great people who deserve greatness is return but others can't? Or won't? Or just don't even really put any thought into it at all? Then what?  Where does that leave us?

I'll tell you where that leaves me.  I'm going to just start asking myself out on email and text messaging.  And then when I receive that email and text message, I'm going to respond to it.  If I am busy at the moment, I'll say something like, "hey laura! i'm swamped right now..I'll text you later." If I just don't think I am someone I want to talk to anymore I'll text back quickly, "hey, i just don't think the time is good to talk to you. But good luck to you."  Or if I am interested in going out with myself I'll say, "hey laura, i'm psyched you wrote.  it made me smile. can't wait to hang." 

But I most definitley will not ignore myself if I text or email myself.  This much.  This much I know.  I guess it comes from the place where if I want to talk to someone, I will communicate with them.  If I want something, I will go for it. But I've also learned that if I don't want something, it makes it so much easier to just say I don't want that out loud too. 

Dating wouldn't disappoint or be as hard if people could just be as open as me.  Therefore, I should just date myself. Because I definitley want to date a girl with a belt buckle like this.

If I could draw my perfect woman

This would be it.

Drew Barymore is the perfect woman. 

Conditioning

I had a dream last night and I always like to analyze my own dreams.  I was in a hair salon...one I had never been in before.  I had a hairdresser I've never seen before cutting my hair except my hair was darker and longer.  She gave me a very boring cut.  I looked like one of those afghan dogs.  Then my actual hairdresser came up to me and said, "Laura, what happened to your hair?  You need to get the color back in and fix that!" and then I found out it was going to cost me another $110 to do that.  But then she started to cut my hair for me and she kept hugging me and when she was done, my hair looked great again.

Then I woke up.

So, I will now analyze this dream.

I went to bed last night thinking that I didn't like the way my hair looks in a hat or in a bandana anymore right now because it is too short (although I love my hair).  I was worried that the color change wasn't bold enough.  Then I probably started thinking about one my exes who once told me that if I was a dog, I'd be an afghan.  WTF?  I remember that converstation

Me:  "If I was a dog, what kind do you think I'd be?"
Her:  "An afghan."
Me:  "Those are the dumbest dogs in the world!  That's just great."
Her:  "hahahaha"
 (sidenote...this is the same chick who called me scarface and told me that she didn't want to have children with me because they would turn out crazy.)

Anyway, then last night I was thinking that it has been so long since I've had any touch of any kind and all I want is someone to run their hands through my hair.  But I don't want to keep spending all this money to date if the girls aren't going to be into it with me and give back what I give in! 
I mean, I am all about passion and I WANT passion and I won't settle for anything less...but sometimes I'd even settle for just a quick hand in my hair or a rub of the shoulder.

Come on!!!  Then I woke up.  Now, I'm at work.

Zodiac

My favorite conversation that happened at Redbones this weekend:

Friend:  Are you a Scorpio Laura?
Me:  Yes.  How can you tell (as I sit quietly all night when I'm usually very talkative)
Friend:  For three reasons.  You are hard to pin down.  You are dramatic (slightly) and you are very sexy.
Me:  You mean pin down like tie down?  Because that is also very Scorpio.
Friend:  No, I mean pin down...figure you out.
Me:  Oh, yeah, that too.