In no mood

I am in a rare mood today. Maybe it's my pants. I keep wearing these pants that make me feel like shit all day. I take them out of the closet and I say to myself, "maybe today I can wear these and not feel like shit" and then I put them on and always feel like shit. And then I am stuck wearing them all day.

The pants are total gay pants. From Kohls. I think I got them in the ladies section. Three things that are just very very wrong here.

Wi-Fli

I am blogging in an airplane. I am blogging in an airplane that is actually in the air. This is a whole new level of amazing. I wanted to be able to blog about my 18 hour travel day and all the annoyances that took place. The problem is...there were none. Everything actually worked out perfectly. I got to the airport with no problem. Stepped on the plane in the exit row. Watched The Informant (which knocks down one less Golden Globe nom I needed to watch)...had a four hour layover where I got food and a masage and internet access and now I am on route to Seattle in the exit row with plenty of foot room and internet access on the plane.

I saw a bumpersticker on my way to work on a suburu (obviously) that said "Miracles Happen. Think Good Thoughs."

So I did.

You know what disappoints me?

When I take the bus and I can't push the button when it's time for my stop. Someone always gets to hit it before me. I get all excited thinking about when the exact best time will be to press it...and then boom, "stop requested!"

You know what annoys me #10,757

When people attach this to their email. Hold on. I like the mountains....CONTROL P!!!!

I cross my heart

Here's the thing. This is NOT the west coast. This is the EAST coast, which means, we don't care about pedestrians in the crosswalks. So maybe I should just write down the rules of the crosswalk in case you aren't from around here and you need to know.

Rule #1: When you see a car coming at you at let's say at least 30mph, that does not mean you can just walk out in the road and cross because you are a pedestrian. That's right...even if there is a pedestrian crossing sign, you still can't do that. Unless you have the ability to walk through cars, then by all means, go for it.

Rule #2: When you are crossing the crosswalk, do not chit chat with your friend like you walking down Newbury Street window shopping. This is not time to dilly-dally.

Rule #3: Do not look at the person in the driver's seat that had to stop the car to let you walk. That person is not happy that he/she had to stop the car. Look straight ahead.

Rule #4: Do not yell at the person who had to stop short in order to let you walk with pharases such as "slow down!". Again, that person is not happy that he/she had to slow down.

Rule #5: If you are going to cross, then cross. Do not get timid and take a step forward and then take a step back, then take a step forward. Either cross or don't cross.

Rule #6: Do not put your hand up in a motion to stop a car. I don't care if we get $100 tickets if we don't. That is just annoying and YOU should be fined if you do that.

Rule #7: When you have a walk signal, you still need to pay attention to cars! You see, in MA we have right turns on red. That means when you have a walk signal, we can still go. So pay attention.

Rule #8: We can jaywalk here. True. However, you can't just cross in the middle of the street when cars have a green light because you are too lazy to walk the 10 feet down to the crosswalk.

Rule #9: Say thank you when a car stops for you at a crosswalk. We didn't want to do it so if you say thank you, that will make he/she feel much better.

Things that should never be in a work email

1. Anything in pink type. So for example, Laura Goldberg, Development Specialist

2. Happy faces or sad faces. Especially sad faces. So for example, no :) or :(

3. Words such as 'pretty please' and 'oh by golly'

4. When asking someone to do something getting an email back that simply says, "I guess so."

Phrases

So here are 10 phrases in 2010 that I hope I don't have to hear as much...and maybe never???...this year.

1. Laura,you are crazy.
2. You are selfish, Laura
3. It's not always about YOU, Laura.
4. I don't have time to deal with you Laura.
5. Laura, can you do this for me because I don't know how.
6. Whatever, Laura.
7. I have to think about these thing, Laura. If I am going to be with you.
8. I am in love with you but you drive me crazy.
9. Laura, you are such a bith, douchebag, cunt, asshole, etc.
10. You are so negative,Laura.