Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

25 Days Til Xmas: Tips from Jewz-A-Claus

Tip #1:  When buying Christmas lights to hang on your windows, you could save a lot of money by just printing drawings of lights and tacking them in the wall.  That way, you don't have to worry about your electricity bill going up. 

Monday, November 22, 2010


So Pink is pregnant, which I guess means she won't be doing any dancing on the hanging linens for the next few months.  What I want to know is when the baby is born, will she say things to the kid like,
"what's the dealio?" and
"if you're too skool for cool."

or what happens if the baby pisses her off and won't sleep, will she write a blockbuster song about it called, "shut up"? 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

To School or Not To School

I have been thinking a lot recently about going back to school.  I think the ONLY thing stopping me at this point is not wanting to spend the money.  I wish one of my rich relatives who has a lot of money would say, "Laura, you are so smart...let me help you out."  It's nothing to them.  Like my father, if he could just give me a loaner from the trust fund I'm maybe going to receive when I'm 77 because he lives to be 109.  But I doubt I'll get that trust fund anymore because I've been such a "bad daughter" by making fun of his diseases and I'm pretty sure all my money is going towards his "just-in-case" radiation treatment or my stepmother's bipolar light mood stabilizer. 

But I digress.  I just don't know. I sit all day. Every day.  At work.  Bored. Bored. Bored.  And now I am 34 and I don't know how long I can keep doing this same thing over and over and over. So, school. That would keep me busy.  The problem is yesterday, I went from looking into getting my MBA, to being a pastry chef to being a laser technician to being a teacher.  So, my focus is a little off.  But, school would keep me interested right now.  A hell of a lot more interested than the daily drudgery of coming into a boring job everyday and getting excited when it's time to go to Shaws to make my salad and decide which flavor Kettle potato chips I wanted to eat that day. 

So, I decided to study for my GMAT.  I figured that would give me a focus at least and somthing to try for.  I am so bad at taking tests like that and my scores are always so low but I figure I could at least try.  But the problem is the test itself is $250. So, I am going to start by getting a couple of books and seeing if I can focus on practicing for the test.

I'm sure I could always ask my father for math advice while he lays in his hospital bed too.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Yellow ribbons and onions

Thursday is Veteran's Day.  And while I don't know many veterans (ok...I only know maybe one or two), I do know how important this day is to all veterans and families and friends.  And after watching TV last night, I now know how important this day is to advertisers and local restaurants. 

If you are a veteran and you go to Outback Steakhouse on Thursday, you get a FREE bloomin onion. How awesome is that veterans?  You put your life on the line everyday and you get an onion.  Damn, you are lucky. 

Also, if you are a veteran, and you want to go to The Golden Corral buffet restaurant, you get a FREE meal. That's right.  Strap on those prosthetic legs and let go of your PTSD for a day, and get yourself a plate filled wtih corn, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and spagetti (that is at least what I get at buffets).  Even Gary Sinese is doing it.  And I'm pretty sure he only played a veteran in a movie. 

I'm not making light of veterans and the struggles they face when they return home. I'm just saying, you might want to skip your parades and get some free food. Something to think about.