Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pledging Purity?

Why are all these young singers pledging purity by saying they will not have sex until they are married?  Who are they kidding?  I don't think you need to wait until you are married to have sex.  Actually, if you do that, you will most likely have sex once and then never again until you get a divorce.  Why can't these teens just wait until they are 18...then have sex.  They don't have to have sex when they are 15.  Just wait a few years.  Then do it. 

Monday, November 17, 2008

Seriously...The Color Purple was like a hundred years ago.

I was watching Oprah's special today on the World's "Smartest and Most Talented Kids Around the World".  First, no matter what the show is about, Oprah always finds a way to quote the Color Purple or in some way tell the world that she was in the color purple.  It just doesn't matter what the show is about.

Anyway, every time Oprah does this special, she has the same annoying kids on.  The one who can breakdance, the one who can name all the presidents, the one who can bend her tiny body backwards, the one who can hulahoop, the one who can tap dance.  And can I just say....when you go to Debbie Allen's school of dance, you are not an "average" kid.  

Also, the one who can play the violin, the one who can sing, and lets not forget the one who can yodel.  Yes, that's right...the one who always has to come on with a red ruffled shirt, pigtails with red bows and yodel.  

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Still Life

Just because you have a camera phone does not mean that you should use said camera phone for your profile.  No matter what people say, you DO judge by looks.  Everyone does.  And if you say that you don't, then you are a liar and I don't want to date liars.  At least not ugly liars.  So at least put a good picture up.  

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Is there a reason that Dr. Oz wears scrubs on the Oprah show?  There was a whole show today dedicated to the obvious things that we can do to make ourselves beautiful and the low-cost CVS purchases that we can use to do this.  

Oprah decided that Dr. Oz was the best person to describe to these women what it takes to be beautiful.  But my main question is why the hell does he need to wear scrubs to do this.  I could have sworn he was hard for half the show too.  Toe fungus, frizzy hair and acne doesn't do it for me but I guess it does for Dr. Oz.

Also, my favorite quote of the show was when Dr. Oz was talking about women's eye bags and he said something to this effect, "woman care more about the bags under your eyes than the men who love and care about you."  uhhhh....why can't I go on Oprah and say that for $10 million a year?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Saturday Morning

I was watching Hannah Montana on Saturday morning and there was a commercial for these dolls that are dogs that are all dressed up...and I could have sworn that one of the dogs actually said, "you are such a ho".  Seriously...I think that might have happened.  

What ever happened to Transformer commercials during the Smurfs?  I miss Azriel.  

32 things about my 32rd year

1.   I have had the birthday blues for a week. I am sick of it.  And I am done with the birthday blues.
2.  I was the only girl working out in the free weights section of the gym an hour ago and I think that is pretty cool.
3.  Sarcastic and cool Laura is back.  
4.  The Laura who lets pig fuckers get to her is gone.
5.  I am done with people who say they are coming to my birthday party and just don't show up.
6.  I am even more done with people who say they are coming to my birthday party and then call my other friend to say they are not coming instead of me.
7.  I am not done with people who at least try to let me know they can't make it.
8.  It is questionable whether I am done with people who get me stupid gifts from the supermarket check-out stand and cards that aren't meaningful because they care more about friends who will NOT stick up for them if the time came.  
9.  I am going to savor the friends who love and care about me and get me license plate purses, and sprees and dinners and who listen to me even when it isn't pretty.
10.  I do want to have children and if that means from a petri dish than so be it.
11.  I won't sacrifice happiness to be with someone who doesn't make me happy. And if that means being single for a long time, then well that is how it has to be.
12.  I won't pay $34.99 a month for so people who don't read my profile email me when they are so not the person I would even be friends with never mind date.
13. I am going to take a cooking class.
14.  I am going to use my new Kitchen Aid mixer (Martha Stewart blue).
15.  I am going to do pilates again and get my kick-ass bod back.
16.  I am going to be able to do 10 pull ups in a row in two months.
17. I am going to find a job this year that makes me happy and it will not be in non profit.
18. I am going to see every movie I want to see because that makes me happy.
19. I am going to stop comparing myself to my "friends" on facebook who look happy.
20.  I am going to get a better score in scrabble.
21.  I am going to start writing my book instead of keeping it in my head.
22.  I am going to understand that I will have setbacks.  Like today and sleep until 4 but that is okay and I will get up.
23.  I am going to get a job that lets me buy a new car so I can get rid of the one I've had for 11 years.
24.  I am going to go to Iceland this year.
25. I want to find a cool tour to work on.
26. I am going to stop thinking about people who hurt me. Yeah right...but I'll go back to #22 on that one many times.
27.  I will no longer pick up my neighbors trash.
28.  I will make more people laugh because it is fun to do.
29.  I will continue to be honest and open my big fat mouth.
30.  I like being in my 30s.
31.  I have crows feet.  I never thought I would have crows feet.
32.  I will eat and watch TV by myself tonight and that my just fine with me.