Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I wish it was 2010

As the year...and alas, the decade winds down, I was thinking about the things I wish for in 2010 and beyond. And I would like to share them with you. My loyal 6 readers.

1. I wish more people would read my blog.
2. I wish that I could stop eating all the cookies on my desk and that when I offer people cookies at work they stop saying, "oh I couldn't possibly."
3. I wish people on facebook would stop asking me to use their status updates as a chance to plug their own passions, beliefs and causes.
4. I wish I could stop boring myself with my own anxieties.
5. I wish Meghan Fox would stop pretending she is a good actress.
6. I wish I had a really hot spin instructor who winked at me everytime I went in and then one day asked me out on a date.
7. I wish people could stop saying they are spiritual.
8. I wish I had more use for scotch tape at work.
9. I wish I could open the shades in my apartment without fear that the weird man living next to me who smokes cigars won't have a peep show everyday.
10. I wish The Cranberries would come up with a new album.
11. I wish my eyebrows would miraculously look fabulous everyday rather than having to wax them every week.
12. I wish that on my way to my car everyday from work a man would stop saying, "hola senorita."
13. I wish televsion shows would stop taking 5 week breaks.
14. I wish there really was a National Sarcasm Society and I would be the office manager, because you know anyone higher up wouldn't do anything anyway.. ;)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I love Christmas!

Because I get to go to a bunch of movies. I love going to the movies. Tonight I am going to see Up in the Air. Tomorrow, It's Complicated. I might even squeeze in Sherlock Holmes. I will not be seeing Precious. I am all set with that depressing crap right now. I can just poke my head out the window at work if I want to see that. I'll wait until the last minute before my Oscar predictions for that one.

Anyway, Merry Christmas Everyone!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Two sides to every man. One side to every woman

I am often told by people that they have no idea I am gay. What does that even mean? Do I need to wear a sign on my forehead that says I am gay. Do I need to wear special clothes. Do I need to act a certain way? I can pull off a wife beater and boy shorts the same as a dress and heels. It's just the way I am.

Often a question asked to me is, "why you are gay" and I have been struggling to come up with this answer to this question for years. And the more and more I ask myself and the more and more I am asked, the answer is this. "Because I am." I love men. I love women. And I do find that men can take that answer easier than woman.

Women are looking for complete answers. Testaments to why we are a certain way. And I can't give that. I love men because they make me laugh. Because they are so nuts in the way they do things. I love women because they are more sensitive. Because they can see the world in a more creative way.

I am a man. I am a woman. Okay. Maybe I am more a gay man. But that's neither here nor there.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Laura's 2010 New Years Resolutions Part I

It's that time of year again to start thinking about New Years Resolutions and Year Mottos. I did everything on last years list except buy a flatscreen TV. I bought the Alf shirt but it never came. So here it goes.

2010: Just Live

#1 Go to Nashville, TN. (Already booked the tix so I thought I'd start easy here.)
#2 Take a Zumba class.
#3 Lose 15 pounds and/or look like I did when I used to do pilates everyday.
#4 Get a different car.
#5 Go to San Fran.
#6 Cook at least one dinner a week.
#7 Stop trying to be accepted by groups of people who don't matter.
#8 Foucs on the small amount of people who care about me and really do like being around me.
#9 Take at least 2 classes from CCAE.
#10 Buy a really great camera and at least once a month do a creative photo shoot.
#11 Write 5 chapters of my book.
#12 Try to only go into Sprint 2 times about my piece of crap phone.
#13 If necessary, throw only one piece of electronic equipment against a wall in a fit of anger.
#14 Buy 2 different URLs for ideas I have just in case.
#15 Find a new apartment. One where I can have a plant. And my cat back.
#16 Really mean it when I say "I don't give a shit."
#17 Start planning my South American vacation.
#18 Ski or snowboard once.
#19 Surf.
#20 Go somewhere warm.
#21 Try fish eggs. (Oh yeah....Zippy that one is for you. Check.)

Just Live

So I randomly opened up an article on a magazine on my desk. The magazine is titled BP. Bipolar. Why, do you ask, do I have this magazine on my desk. Because of where I work obviously. I am trying to find movies for the film festival I am planning and Mariska Hargitay is on the cover. And she is hot.

Anyway, I opened to an article titled, "Discovering a NEW approach to RELAXATION" and it is exactly what I think about. I will quote it..

"I used to feel a bit of a failure when I couldn't just sit down and find the relaxing experience so many people were raving about. Then I understand my problem-relaxation techniques tend to be very subjective and have one thing in common: They are about adding something to your life to relax, rather than removing the behaviors that contribute to your stress in the first place." Then she gave a list of things she has REMOVED in order to relax (stressful relationships, taking on too much, watching the media, alcohol, pot, meditation and excercise). This woman is my hero. Excercise is great but can be over-stimulating. The best way to discover the rewards of relxation are to: sit in a hot tub, sing, take hike, paint, read, remove clutter from the house.

Life is so big. And so scary. And there is so much to do. And when people like the woman who wrote this article; and me, take on the world, we are left wildly disappointed.

Then she expalained unexpected relaxation and how to achieve it:

- turn off computer at least two hours before bed
- say no when you would normally say yes; say yes when it will lead to a calmer you
- play with your animals on their terms, not yours
- think of what you can remove tomake life more relaxing
- hang out with relaxing people while not doing anything specific
- say goodbye to people who are more stressful than relaxing

I really believe that people who suffer from mental illness of any kind; when they learn how to live with it in a way that suits them; have a much higher insight to life.

Getting cold feet

I am in a dilema. On one foot, I feel, "I am too old to be cold". On the other foot, "I don't want to spend my money on heat." Therefore, in the irony that ends all irony, my two favorite places to be are in my office and in my car.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Why Jewish people don't do yankee swaps

Seriously. Everytime I buy something reasonably nice, I end up with this. I really have nothing else to say about this.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

ok seriously...

Do I have a sign on my forehead that says, "talk to me in baby talk because that is the best way to get my attention?". Thank god for this blog sometimes. It allows me to "scream" out loud instead of actually scream out loud and then most likely get canned.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

You know waht annoys me #6,358

When people ask me if I voted. Shut up. Get off your high horse. Stop annoying me. Do you really care if I voted. And why is this the first time you ever said anything to me at work ever in the over a year since I've been here?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

That's kind of crummy!

Everyday on my way to work I drive through Harvard Square. I pass the homeless people holding signs on the street near the stop lights. Now, I understand that there are many reasons people are homeless and it does make me feel. And I know I should keep granola bars in my car to pass out. I worked at a homeless shelter in development for a year. I get it. There are many reasons. However, this morning I had a headache. And one of the homeless men had a nicer jacket on than me. And he was throwing bread to the birds. And I was thinking, "shouldn't you be eating that?".