Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Things I want

Things I want are different from my resolutions I think. I still need to work on my resolutions, which means I really need to take another class at Cambridge Adult Education and also try Zumba. This is fine, however, because I love taking classes and learning. I think I'm either going to take Thai cooking or maybe some sort of photography class. I also want to learn Spanish and Italian. For fun. I actually want to learn so many things sometimes I think my head is going to explode. That is why I avoid bookstores. When I walk into a bookstore, I get overwhelmed with all the the things there is to know and learn and I usually end up buying a book by a comedian. Brookline Brooksmiths is one of my favorite stores in Boston and last time I ended up buying a ring and a pair of socks because the bookshelves were making my head spin and I had Chelsea Handler's new book in my hands but I think I could read that in ten minutes so I am going to wait until someone lets me borrow it. Why is a bookstore one of my favorite stores in Boston if I try to avoid bookstores? Well that's me.

Anyway, things I want are just things that I want so here are a few things I want in the next let's say, six months.

1. I want to go up in a hot air balloon ride. I am a little scared of this but I think it could be so fun. And it kind of feels like it could be a little romantic as long as my heartrate stays under control and I don't have a panic attack. And whoever goes up with me is going to have to be okay with me reinacting Wizard of Oz for a minute.

2. I want a grapefruit spoon. Now that I have mastered the art of cutting a grapefruit (at least yesterday I did), I want to be able to eat said grapefruit easier.

3. I want to find a shampoo/conditioner that really works well for my hair. Everytime I get a haircut nobody notices until about 4 weeks later. That makes me wonder if I am using the wrong prodcut or if people are just that oblivious. I feel like I notice when people get haircuts and I usually try to say something. I think it's nice to say something when someone gets a haircut.

4. I got a month membership to the rock climbing gym for May. I want to actually use this.

5. I want to be able to do 100 push ups no problem again. Because lets face it, I have really great arms when I work them out. (When I work them out being the issue right now).

6. I want to go dancing. Which is awesome because I just got a text from a friend who asked if I wanted to go dancing on Friday. So, there. I got what I wanted quickly on this one. I mean seriously, I was just about to write I want to go dancing and then I got that text. I love that shit.

7. I want to go to a psychic.

Monday, April 26, 2010

You know what makes me happy

When I cut a grapefruit in the correct diretion. It's always a gamble for me...but today I got it right.

Not even for amazing triceps, I won't do it

When given a free moment, I usually think. It's me. I enjoy thinking. So this weekend, I had a couple of free moments so I thought. I had a minor discussion with a friend regarding baggage in relationships and I found myself saying something that I honestly didn't think I would be saying and it flowed right out of my mouth so naturally that after I was left standing still silent for a moment with a grin on my face. I said, "i don't really have any baggage right now. I am happy." And you may or may not know that when people constantly talk about how happy they are to everyone, I'm skeptical. But I don't blurt that out all the time or throw it on my blog or throw it on facebook for the world to know how happy I am. But this time, it just came out really quickly that I don't know if anyone heard it but me.

So this got me thinking about baggage. It's very true that everyone has things in their lives that they have dealt with and learned from and been hurt from. And there is no limit to the amount of time it takes to deal with emotions or to get over emotions or maybe emotions will stay forever. I think that is okay. Baggage is more about not being able to live with what happened to you or not being able to be emotional about things that affect you.

So that being said, I thought this. To be with me, as a friend, girlfriend, whatever, don't bring your baggage. You are allowed two carry on items for free. And you can fill those carry on items with as much as you need to from your past or your present; your worries, your fears...fill them up..and as long as they fit under your seat, I am totally cool with them. I have them too.

But I am not Soutwest airlines and your extra baggage does not come on for free.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


I completely overslept this morning which meant that my completley irrational full day is now off kilter. My first appointment at 9 with my hot fucking dentist had to be moved to saturday morning at 10. how fun!  at least it will get me up on a saturday i suppose.  she is so hott though.  seriously. she is a cross between penelope cruz and eva mendes.  i hope she is a little mad at me on saturday...scold me a little.  she wears the tightest dresses and the hottest thing.  and completely cracks me up.

so now i have to get back on track to finish out the rest of this day.  and i was on my way to work and on the radio one of the djs was like, "when we come back the 411 on maroon 5" and I thought to myself, "i can't fucking stand when people use the phrase 411."

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I am suffering from major PTMD.  That would be post-traumatic mouse disorder.  I don't know what it is but I am hyper sensitive to anything that sounds like a mouse.  Sometimes I think I am like a space creature because I have this strangely acute sense of hearing.  I can hear every little noise and sometimes I feel like the noises are crawling up my skin and just sitting in my brain waiting to explode.

Anyway, I can't stand the sound of people eating chips. Or putting their hands into a bag of chips. It seriously makes me cooky.  I feel like the bag of chips is in my eardrum and it reminds me of those mice that lived in my apartment with me eating the cajun louisiana potato chips Mitzi got me for my birthday.  I shake thinking about it.

What is it about chips that people don't realize.  It makes so much sound!  Try.  Just try to eat chips quieter.  Every. Single. Crunch makes me want to pull my hair out. 

I am also overly sensitve to noises when I am PMSing...or actually have my period which is basically all the time because when I don't have my period, that means I am going to get it at some point.  So eat chips quieter!!!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

If you build it, she will come. So will Brad.

I was at the butcher this morning.  And by butcher, I mean the "surgeon" who did my face this year to get rid of my bad moles on my face. The one who totally butchered my face and left me with scars and told me today the only way to make the scars smaller would be to cut then open again and redo them. Um, no.  Let me think again.  No.

So I was in the waiting room and I glanced over at the magazines sitting on the table and the one on the top was Architecural Digest, which I am not sure who actually reads that besides maybe architects but I doubt and people who either want to pretend to live in nice homes or people who want to show off their nice homes to people who don't have them.  Anyway, on the cover this month, or idea how often it comes out was Jennifer Aniston!!!???  What?  Why is she on the cover of this magazine. She was sitting all proper on this blue suede couch.  Wasn't she just naked in Harpers Bazarre or something this month.  I was just confused by this.  I don't know why she was put on the cover.  I mean I know Brad is all about fixing up houses in New Orleans and shit but they were divorced like 5 years ago!  ;)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Bend and Tuck

I love Intimacy. No, not that kind of intimacy (although I wouldn't mind it if it would stick for once). I mean the bra store Intimacy.  I can be cheap but when it comes to bras, it doesn't seem to bother me one bit to drop $250 in less than ten minutes for two bras.  The reason is they fit amazingly. I never have to worry about putting a bra on in the morning anymore.  It feels comfortable all day. 

And they treat you really nice in there.  They say things like, "honey" (which I love).  They know my size just by looking at me.  E. But when the bra goes on, it looks like a C. I have no clue how it does that. But it works, I swear! 

They even put the bra on for you!  Come on!  I love it.  You take off your shirt without worrying about being judged. They put the bra on for you and all you have to do is bend at the waist and they clasp it for you AND fix the cups.  It's awesome.  You know, because putting a bra on yourself is so tedicious.  :)  But seriously, you are putting a bra on wrong!!!!!  I bet you.  You are.

Anyway, after dropping over $500 this year on bras (which come with a lifetime warranty so for me that's nothing), I got this in the mail.  And it cracks me up.  I think the more money I spend, the more curly cues I get in my name.  Wow!  I need to start signing my name like this.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


I had a dream last night that a woman kept asking me about 'the' flatscreen TV.  "Do you have 'the' flatscreen TV?" she kept saying.  So when I woke up, I thought to myself, "Why do most people over the age of 50 seem to always add the word 'the' when talking about electronic equipment. 

"The other day I saw a person with 'the' ipad."
"How are you enjoying 'the' flatscreen you got?"
"Do you use 'the' HD with 'the' flatscreen?"

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Cracked Up

I went to the dentist this morning.  I never mind the dentist.  But can I just say, that my dentist is HOTT!  I walked in and she had this short dress on with this impecable looking white jacket and high white ankle boots with straps that went on forever. She is gorgeous.  I feel like I need to get all dressed up to go in there.  She gets to be as close to my mouth as you would probably want a gorgeous woman like that too but she goes in with a drill, which actually, makes it even hotter.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Vay K?

I haven't gone on a long trip since Iceland.  And I actually have a job now that will pay for vacation.  Go me staying at a job long enough for vacation.  Go freaking me!

I want to go to Costa Rica next.

That's all.  I don't really have much to write today.

I'll have PLENTY to say after my trip. But for now....I'm going to smirk and go.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Hold on...let me ask the committee

As a general rule of thumb, I am not a fan of committees.  Call it controlling (if you will) but I like to do things my way.  Why you ask?  Because my way is usually the right way. Because I know how to do it.  If you want me to do something, then chances are I know how to do it and if I don't know how to do it, I'll ask someone or figure out how to do it myself.  Therefore, I find that most steering committees are nothing more than a complete compostable bunch of time. 

I have created this chart to help if there is any confusion in a steering committee you plan on joining anytime soon.