Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Things I am looking forward to tonight:

1. washing my dishes from last night. i wasn't able to get around to it.
2. watching 24 from last night. i wasnt able to get around to it.
3. getting a pedicure.
4. not going to the gym.
5. filling my warm-mist humidifier up with water.
6. watching mariska.
7. playing with my split ends.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Dot Coooommmmmmmm

You know what made me smile so hard today I could hardly believe it? I booked a trip to New Orleans in a couple of weeks. I wanted to see if I could change my itinerary and come a day early but I booked it on Expedia so I wasn't sure if I could do that. So, I called the 1-800 number and when the operator came on, it said, "welcome to expedia. Dottt coommmmmmm." And it totally cracked me up.

But I couldn't change the ticket. Bummer.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Things that I Actually Love #1

The word rapture. I like to pretend it is a spanish word and I roll my r when I say it. Then I laugh because I am weird.


All I can think about right now is wanting a Guinness, french fries and a hot lobster roll of claw and tail meat in a toasted bun smothered in butter. I am actually not thinking about pancakes for a brief moment because of this. I love you page 68.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm gonna put it out there that The Bachelor...

Is the most disturbing show on TV. What is wrong with these girls? And why do they all have names that are spelled weird? Shannon should be spelled like Shannon. Not Shayneaun.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Hollywood Sex

So you are probably thinking to yourself, "self....what would Laura's dream Hollywood bedroom scenario be?" So, here it is.

I would like Laura Linney to take me out to dinner and drink lots of red wine with me. We can talk about traveling. Then I would like to go out dancing with Julianne Moore. I would hope she would wear something strapless to show off her freckles. We would dance until about 2am while drinking shots of Patron.

Later in the evening, Laura would show up after she finished up some lecture on articulation of political reality & a comparison of the present with the past and she would meet up with Julianne and I.

Then, as we were all making out on the dancefloor, Joaquin Phoenix would come up and just start rubbing his hands all over my body and tell me that he had been looking at me all night and I would take the cigarette from his hand and throw it on the ground and start grinding him.

On the way out, American History X Edward Norton would be standing at the door with Blue Crush Michelle Rodriquez and they would decide to come back to my place as well.

Excuse me. I have to go now.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


I tried Koreana tonight. Delicious. I tried some cocktail there. Even more delicious. I have been drunk on both Tuesday and Wednesday night this week. The trifecta of deliciousness.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Kind of

Okay. I've been kind of negative and angry the past couple of days. And everyone including the bowl of cereal I am eating right now, is kind of over it. And trust me so am I. Therefore, I am now officially back to being funny and I am looking forward to a few things. Tonight, Ben is a Bastard night. Tomorrow, Kovie. I usually do Phovie...Pho and a movie, but I am going to Koreana so this wednesday it is Kovie. And Thursday, freaking sushi. I will get back to you on how that one goes. Also, Golden Globes are on Sunday. I wish you could hear me actually say that out loud. It would sound something like this. "Goolllden Gllloobeesss are on Sunnndaayyyyy!!!!"

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Out with the old!

That's what a friend said to me yesterday via text. Actually, it was more like, "Urgh! Out with the Old!!" when I told her about my ex. And she is so right.

2009 is the year to throw out all the things that have been bad for me. And when I say throw them out, I don't mean put them in the basement just in case there is a chance one day that I might want to see them. I do save things that are important and that I feel will one day do me good or make me lots of money. Aka: my memory boxes. Those I keep.

Looking around right now, I can see a bunch of things I don't need to keep anymore. The Trader Joe dark chocolates my boss got me last year when I was stressed at work. I don't eat dark chocolate. Out with the chocolate. And out with her.

I also told myself that starting this year, I wouldn't open something until I am ready to deal with it. That is why I have a pile of unopened envelopes sitting around my place. If only I could tell my mouth to do the same. Still working on that.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

That got me out of bed!

So today has been interesting. It is almost 3 and I haven't done anything. Yet, somehow I still manage to keep it interesting. It started with a text. A text from my ex girlfriend. A text that said, "are you going to be around today. I (and please remember the I part) want to come by and pick up my boots."

I simply wrote back. "I am in and out. (which is a lie. I was laying in bed but didn't want my ex girlfriend to know that I was laying in bed doing nothing all day) and I'll leave them in the hall. When do you think you will be around?"

She then decided to write back this, which is the reason I am now officially out of bed. "WE have a few things to do. Maybe in an hour."

Now, if she would have just kept it simple and continued to say, "I", things would probably be fine. But oh no....she had to throw in the "WE", meaning her and her new girlfriend which I found out about via this text. Balls in my face. So, obviously, I had to write back, "what's with the we?" and she had to write back, "my new girlfriend. it's great. I am really happy."

I told her to fuck off and the boots would be on the street. Who does that? Who brings a new chick to her old girfriends house? Seriously? Low fucking blow.

Anyway, it got me thinking. She was never good enough for me. She drank so much and it hurt me so much. I was never attracted to her and she would have never fulfilled the things I need in a relationship. So, why is it that I care so much. Why is it that I am trying to hold onto a friendship with someone like that? Why? The thing is exes can't be friends. Now, if you date for a bit and it didn't work out, yes, I think a friendship can work. But, if you are in a relationship with I love yous and hurt and shit, I don't think a friendship is going to work out. And that is the chance you take when you get in a relationship. It is a huge chance.

But, when I made the decision to leave that relationship because it wasn't right for me, I took a big leap. A scary, big leap. I knew in my heart that I would be losing one of my closest friends but that was the chance I took. It is the chance we all have to take. It is hard. But, I don't want to compromise. I don't think you have to. There is no perfect relationship, but I truly want to be happy with someone. And as hard as it is to be alone. It's fucking harder to be with someone who makes you want to fucking die!

So....I think today's text was a good one. I managed to include one final sting. "I don't think I could deal with your drinking, even as friends". She is a major drunk so that one should hurt. And now, it's time to move on to 2009 and see what kind of fancy shit is going to happen this year.

Don't get me wrong. I'll miss her. But, no compromising. I say that do anyone who will listen.

Also, try not to throw your balls in people's faces. Especially a lesbian's face. I don't need balls in my face, literally or figuratively. So, if you are happy and you are my ex....let's just leave that ball in your glove shall WE!!

Things that annoy me #3

When I write something witty on my facebook status or photo or something and then somebody writes something that is so stupid sounding under the status that isn't witty at all. It totally takes away from my wit. Some people think they are being witty, but they aren't. Most of my friends are very witty. Some are not. Those will be deleted. :)

January 3

How many inner resolutions have I already broken? Let's see. Probably about 3. least 5. I can think of 5. But I kind of like it. It makes me more interesting and exciting. I think this year I need more excitement. I am going to try doing the opposite of everything that I normally do and see how that works for me.

I had a great New Years. Which is the opposite of what I usually have. No joke. So, this whole thing might work for me.