Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Expression of the day that annoys me to the point of exhaustion

"You're the man!"

Why is it at work that people are called, "the man" when they actually are just doing their job? Why do people get rewarded for doing their job? Oh, cause non profits have to do that because they can't give actual things like bonuses. So, we have to take 8x10 paper certificates and someone saying, "Thank you for all you do".

Monday, October 26, 2009

I am PMSing but there is one thing I love today!

I love the spot on a stapler that looks like a face. You know...the spot on the bottom that shows the two different angles you can staple in. It looks like two eyes and a mouth. I love it.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Lying Lie-ers

You know who I can't stand? Lying liars. And the lying liars I am talking about here are people who say they don't watch tv! Lying liars. Or people who don't own a TV. Really? Liars. You know why? Because even if they don't own a TV, you know they are watching their favorite tv shows at work on Hulu or on their phone....or on you tube. Oh yes they are! So why don't you just admit you watch tv. Nobody cares and really we would think more of you if you did.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Catch me on a good second

I live with extreme highs and lows. Not bipolar extremes.....more like life extremes. I can go from annoyed to laughing my ass off within a two minute period. Oh wait...I am getting my period soon...must be it. Except, I am always like that! God damn son of a bitch! That's awesome...

Thank god I have a sense of humor to get through the maze of myself. Yesterday, I was walking to my car from work and I was thinking, "urgh. this place. urgh. these people" and then I saw someone from work and he looked sad and I was like, "awww....poor guy. I wish I could make him feel better."

It's a constant battle between my sarcastic wise-ass can't stand the world side and my unbelievable empathetic, caring and want to help the world side.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Macy's Confuses me Sexually

While I know I am a lesbian, there are still times when I have to question this. One such time is when I go to a department store, such as Macy's. That happened this evening. I walked into Macy's to buy a new black trench raincoat. I need something to wear when I dress up. I know that it is getting cold but I have enough pea coats and fleeces and ski jackets (although I don't ski) so I wanted a nice trench coat.

I walk in and the first thing I see is INC brand it is so pretty and girlie and I love it. Sparkles. I thought to myself..."I could wear this sequined shirt and black pants with heels for sure!".

Then I started walking towards the escalator looking for the coat section and I got to look in the mirror the whole way up. "Hello gorgeous". On the second floor were the coats and also the men's section. I walked through the men's section and found myself eyeing the shoes. Then I walked by a man-aquin...and I got turned on by his sexy hat and outfit. And I thought, "I could totally date a guy who dressed like that."

Then I passed by the outdoor men's section and started looking at the fleece coats and stopped myself because I wanted a trench. I found the trenches and the woman had to help me put the belt on because I couldn't figure it out.

I picked out a coat and paid for it and put it on right there in the store to walk out with it. On my way out, I passed the women's shoe department and looked at chucks! Then I found a Fossil red leather purse I wanted and cashmere gloves.

My gay man/straight woman/gay woman personalities all clashed! I had to get the hell out of there! With a fabulous black trench coat with my belt tied in a knot.

Things that annoy me #7857

When there is a store that closes, big or small; in a mall or standing on its own, that turns into a Halloween Annex. If there is a store that used to be somewhere but closes, you can pretty much guarantee that it will be a Halloween Annex which then in turn becomes a Christmas store in November that carries obnoxious ornaments and Santa figurines that belong in places that are actually called "The Christmas Tree Shop" not because they are Christmas-y but because they are trashy pieces of crap nobody but people in nursing homes need.

Friday, October 16, 2009


What does it mean when your new therapist of ony two weeks suggests a book for you to read that you already read about ten years ago for the same problem?

I am not sure if it is still in my bookshelf but I bet you there is a pretty good chance. I'll have to check that out tonight. It's called Peace Is Every Step. Maybe this will be the year I actually read and absorb. Read and absorb. Read and absszzzz................

Things that annoy me #5478

When you are working on getting packets out in the mail and you need addresses and people give you addresses with no zip code. Then I have to go look up the zip code. Why would you give someone an address without a zip code? Ever?

Saturday, October 10, 2009

So You Think You Can Live?

So I am a HUGE fan of So You Think You Can Dance. I had tickets to go see Season 5 live but of course, because of a break-up, I had to forfeit my tickets this year.

And maybe I am seeing things a little different in life at this moment but what the hell is with this show taking things so seriously? I just watched the Vegas week auditions and I kept hearing things like, "DANCE FOR YOU LIFE" AND "THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL DANCE SO DANCE FOR YOUR LIFE" AND "YOU AREN'T SHOWING ME THAT YOU CAN SURVIVE LIFE OR THIS AUDITION."

WTF?????? It's a dance show. It's pre-recorded. They already know who they are going to choose! Why are they making this out to be the ONLY thing these kids will have in life? Give it a few years will be a guest judge on a stupid dancing show too.

Don't get me wrong. I love the show. But seriously....stop taking it so seriously!

Friday, October 9, 2009


okay. and celine dion. whatever! i love her.

something is seriously wrong with my seratonin levels i think. ;)


I have waited all week to be home and watch my recorded shows.

I don't care that it is Friday night. Let's see. Tonight I watched ANTM, Top Chef, The Office, Three Rivers. Has anyone seen this? It's just a little weird to see Shane not fucking some chick...she is a doctor now?

Then I ate plain pasta for dinner. Now, I am dancing in my bedroom to Barry Manilow, Carole King, Barbara Streisand and Beyonce.

Good night.

Oink Oink

I hope one day when I am pregnant...and I hope this happens within a 5 year period....I hope that I don't just look really really fat. I hope that I have a cute belly so it will actually look like I am pregnant.

Where did I come up with this? I was looking at an overweight person today who was pregnant and I really just couldn't tell she was pregnant.

But for now....I'm all SET with not being pregnant or having a child.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Postive Polly Today

So as sarcastic and negative as I am about my relationships...I have to remember I choose the wrong ones. So today, I'll listen to Micahel Buble and be postiive. Today I will....

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Get So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Get So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

This isn't Amersterdam

I am all for riding bikes. However, Boston isn't a biking city yet. There are some bike lanes but they go on for about half a mile and then they just end with a giant pothole and 2 rotaries.

This morning I saw a man riding a tandem bike with his 6 year old son on the back. In the pouring rain. In Harvard Square. Obviously.

And I thought to myself...."this isn't fucking Amsterdam. take your kid to school in your fucking landrover."

Friday, October 2, 2009

You know what annoys me #245

When people send emails but the only words are in the subject line.

3 and 2

So I am a little nervous to go to my "unofficial" 15 year high school reunion. Why you ask? Well because I am probably the only one in the room who doesn't have three names and two kids. In fact, I just went through a breakup and now I am single again. But then I wonder, why do I put so much emphasis on the fact that I am not like everyone else. I am me. And I do cool things to be proud of. So its cool. I'll get to see people i haven't seen in years and hear things like, "you haven't changed a bit" which um.....isn't true at all. ;)