Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wonder in Winterland

It's that time of year again when people get all excited about the falling white snow and Christmas and winter.  The time of year that people see snow and think to themselves rational thoughts like, "i can't wait to build a snowman" or "nice, i get to take out my skiis".  Or even things like, "it is going to be so pretty! I can't wait for it to snow."  Basically, it's everyone's winter wonderland of fun and good times.

It's that time of year again for Laura to completely go off her rocker at the thought of snow.  The time of year when I think to myself, "why do i live here?"  "how am I ever going to get through another winter worrying about the snow"  "it is going to be so hard for me to mentally handle this again this year."

People who don't suffer the way I do won't ever really understand what I go through in my brain.  And I hide it from basically everyone anyway so nobody can ever truly understand how I basically put myself in a paralyzed state of fear of the very thought of snow.  It's not normal or at all rational and I totally know this but I can't help it.  The idea of driving in the snow (even in my new SUV) scares me.  It scares me so much I could just cry. It's not something I can laugh at. It actually affects every aspect of my life.  I can't drive to work. I get migraines.  I can't drive to see friends.  I can't plan anything because what if it snows???!  I see a flake and my brain goes into overdrive and all I see is car crashes and people I love dying and me losing control of the wheel. 

So now, this December I have to wonder.  Why do I live in this winterland?  And how can I get through this year with a little less fear. 

Anxiety pills!!!!!  So here's to you Lexapro. Start working your magic on my nutzo seratonin brain.  Because I have things to do and places to go and yes...even snow to drive in.

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