Friday, March 26, 2010
Phone
Um...why do I have my cat's name in my contact list on my phone? I must have been in zombieland when I did that one.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I guess I am ready to write about this now
I have been thinking for a couple of weeks about how to write about my trip to Baton Rouge. It was only for a few days but it was very telling for me. I thought about it a lot. Then I got busy at work and I put it in the back of my brain. The part of my brain I put a lot of things I don't want to think about anymore. I was feeling the back of my head today and I felt a big bump and I thought to myself, "i have a lot of stuff back there. too bad I don't know what any of it is." And I said it to myself with that look I get on my face when I am confused. The look some mistake as my bitch face. Please follow the chart below to see the different faces.
Laura looking confused
Laura looking really annoyed
Laura pretending to care
Laura either up to something or happy
Anyway....I went to Baton Rouge a couple of weeks ago to go to my first ex boyfriends funeral. Heartbreaking. He was 35 and he had ALS. So devastating I don't even know how to talk about it. I dated him all through college and then moved to Baton Rouge with him. Then when we broke up, I didn't see him again. That was in 1999. And I'll never see him again. And for that I will be sad forever. Because I spent so much time being upset about the time I had in college (I HATED COLLEGE)...that I let that stop me from calling him or talking to him again. And he was a great guy. But I did write him a card a few months before he died. And he got it. And I am so happy I did that.
But was most telling for me on this trip was this. I don't have any friends that I've had for years and years and years. People come and go in my life. And most don't stick for various reasons. And as sarcastic as I am about it...it keeps coming up for me in therapy and it bothers me.
I am happy that I have met so many people in my life and whenever I feel down, I know have the power to think about those people. Yet, if I was to get married today, I don't have anyone who I could ask to be my bridesmaids. Well...my sisters of course. Not that I would have bridesmaids. Just a thought. And I actually for second thought, "who would come to my funeral?" which was so morbid that even I hit myself over the head for thinking that one.
When we broke up, he met another woman and fell in love. A wonderful amazing incredible woman. And I was upset when it happened. Upset for years. Then I met her in Baton Rouge and she is one of the strongest people I've ever met. And there love was one of the realiest and strongest I've ever heard of. And then he died. And she lost him.
Since him, I haven't had a relationship that has lastest longer than a few months. I have but they probably shouldn't have. And I don't know what I have done wrong. Of course I have theories...for another blog.
All of his college friends who have all stayed in touch were there. And then I showed up. And they were nice. Very nice. I don't think they realized the impact he made on my life. And because I didn't stay in touch, maybe they didn't realize that it was very painful for me too. But I loved him at one point, which is something they never experienced. I may not have experienced his life after 1999, but that doesn't take away from what I did. And the one person...the one person who understood was his wife. She is so amazing. I didn't cry. Until the very end of the night. Then I bawled. In a bar. Of course. Sidenote...what's up with me crying in bars. Hello....subconcious????!!!!
I hated living in Baton Rouge. It was a tough time for me for a few years. I met some good people but something about Baton Rouge makes me really sad. And I don't really want to go back. I surpressed a lot of my life in the back of my brain and I had a hard time breathing when I was there.
But I'll go back to New Orleans to see my LA/Baton Rouge friends.
Anyway, I am really happy I went. And I am really happy I am who I am..even when I am down. I might not have it all. But I have a lot. And I am allowed to feel sad about things that are sad. And finally, I found a cause I actually care about. Yay for me! Move over homeless, alzheimers, disablities, breast cancer....theres a new cause to walk, ride, run for. hahahah
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Another job that could possibly be intriguing for a day
I would like maybe for a day, to be the person who listens in when you have to talk to an automated telephone. You know, when the operater comes on and says something like, "please type or say your account number" and then you end up cursing on the phone and saying things like, "i dont' have my account number on me". "i'm sorry, we did not hear. please type or say your account number" and then you say something like, "I don't fucking have my account number on me" and then you get an operator. I'd like to be the person who hears those things.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The real on-star
So the other day I said On-Star commericals make me laugh. Today was no exception. This is the abridged version of the On-Star dialogue from today.
Man: I am having a diabetic attack. And I'm in a sunflower field.
On-Star: Ok Sir. Help is on the way.
Man: I am so weepie. I am Marine. Why am I crying. I am not a man.
On-Star: Oh I am sure you are very much a man sir.
Wow! Again, can I go back to the fact that I have a degree from Syracuse University in Advertising. Why exactly am I making pennies at a non profit again?
This commercial had me cracking up in this morning. I LOVE my xm radio.
Man: I am having a diabetic attack. And I'm in a sunflower field.
On-Star: Ok Sir. Help is on the way.
Man: I am so weepie. I am Marine. Why am I crying. I am not a man.
On-Star: Oh I am sure you are very much a man sir.
Wow! Again, can I go back to the fact that I have a degree from Syracuse University in Advertising. Why exactly am I making pennies at a non profit again?
This commercial had me cracking up in this morning. I LOVE my xm radio.
Ahhh-Cho?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Oscar and the Couch: The Recap
Here is what I learned from last night.
1. WTF Kathy Irleand!! What was she doing as the red carpet host? She looked like a giraffe. A giraffe with a diamond studded collar. Horrible!
2. Could Kristen Stewart be more pissed off that she had to present an Oscar. Guess what!!! You are a nobody. You should be on your knees with gratitutde. And save your cough for off stage. You had one minute. Stand up straight.
3. I love Gabby. I do. And that's awesome that her self esteem is so high. But really, you need to lose weight. You had to sit in a chair specifically put there for you. If you aren't careful, you are going to be the fat black girl in all of Tyler Perry's upcoming movies the rest of your life. It's not healthy. Try.
4. Poor Meryl. You should have won. But Sandra is awesome too. How does that red lipstick stay like that all night??? When I put lipstick on, it gets smudged all over my face and stained for like three days.
5. Miley Cyrus?? Don't open your mouth unless you are singing a song. Don't act. Don't talk.
6. Same with Jennifer Lopez. She is beautiful. But then she opens her mouth and she sounds like street trash. Stick with what you do best. Dancing about Louis Viutton. And is anyone buying the Marc Anthony marriage. He is hitting her over the head with a frying pan fo shiz. That puffed out dress is covering up some major bruisage.
7. Um....could the actors of the 80s look more washed out???? Judd Nelson and Ali Sheedy. What happened to you? M. Caulkin. Are you anorexic?
8. James Taylor? Were you trying to advertise your upcoming tour which you are selling tickets for no less than $160 a pop for????
9. I am glad that they went back to showing movie scenes when actors were announced. EXCEPT for the main ones. It's nice and all that other actors come out but I want to see scenes!!!
10. Love Neil Patrick Harris. But wasn't funny. Looking forward to the Tonys.
11. Charlize Theron....rose boobs?
12. Could George Clooney's girlfriend look more irritated that everyone was saying he was a lifelong bachelor? He is going to break up with you in three weeks. Get over it. You got to go to the Oscars! And you have kind of buck teeth.
13. I knew Avatar wouldn't win it all!! I am happy for that. I loved the movie but it wasn't an Oscar worthy movie for acting. You won for special effects. It's where you belonged.
14. LOVED how Barbara Streisand came out to give the Oscar to the first female ever to win. It was a big fuck you for losing for Prince of Tides! She might as well been sticking her middle finger up. And ever notice that she can't clap because her nails are too long.
15. Messing up your lines is like falling in the Olympics. You practice forever for this. Just get it right for the main event. You get a gift basket worth $45k or something for doing it. If I had to work for 30 seconds a year for that, I'd get it right.
16. Still do not understand how District 9 was nominated. I don't think anyone in the audience understood either. I don't even think the director understood.
17. Where was Jack, Nicole, Brad, Angie, Jennifer, Tom? Where was the tension? Where was everyone???
18. When Barbara said, "the time has come", Kathryn assumed it was her. Imagine if it was Lee who won. That would have been hilarious!!!!!
1. WTF Kathy Irleand!! What was she doing as the red carpet host? She looked like a giraffe. A giraffe with a diamond studded collar. Horrible!
2. Could Kristen Stewart be more pissed off that she had to present an Oscar. Guess what!!! You are a nobody. You should be on your knees with gratitutde. And save your cough for off stage. You had one minute. Stand up straight.
3. I love Gabby. I do. And that's awesome that her self esteem is so high. But really, you need to lose weight. You had to sit in a chair specifically put there for you. If you aren't careful, you are going to be the fat black girl in all of Tyler Perry's upcoming movies the rest of your life. It's not healthy. Try.
4. Poor Meryl. You should have won. But Sandra is awesome too. How does that red lipstick stay like that all night??? When I put lipstick on, it gets smudged all over my face and stained for like three days.
5. Miley Cyrus?? Don't open your mouth unless you are singing a song. Don't act. Don't talk.
6. Same with Jennifer Lopez. She is beautiful. But then she opens her mouth and she sounds like street trash. Stick with what you do best. Dancing about Louis Viutton. And is anyone buying the Marc Anthony marriage. He is hitting her over the head with a frying pan fo shiz. That puffed out dress is covering up some major bruisage.
7. Um....could the actors of the 80s look more washed out???? Judd Nelson and Ali Sheedy. What happened to you? M. Caulkin. Are you anorexic?
8. James Taylor? Were you trying to advertise your upcoming tour which you are selling tickets for no less than $160 a pop for????
9. I am glad that they went back to showing movie scenes when actors were announced. EXCEPT for the main ones. It's nice and all that other actors come out but I want to see scenes!!!
10. Love Neil Patrick Harris. But wasn't funny. Looking forward to the Tonys.
11. Charlize Theron....rose boobs?
12. Could George Clooney's girlfriend look more irritated that everyone was saying he was a lifelong bachelor? He is going to break up with you in three weeks. Get over it. You got to go to the Oscars! And you have kind of buck teeth.
13. I knew Avatar wouldn't win it all!! I am happy for that. I loved the movie but it wasn't an Oscar worthy movie for acting. You won for special effects. It's where you belonged.
14. LOVED how Barbara Streisand came out to give the Oscar to the first female ever to win. It was a big fuck you for losing for Prince of Tides! She might as well been sticking her middle finger up. And ever notice that she can't clap because her nails are too long.
15. Messing up your lines is like falling in the Olympics. You practice forever for this. Just get it right for the main event. You get a gift basket worth $45k or something for doing it. If I had to work for 30 seconds a year for that, I'd get it right.
16. Still do not understand how District 9 was nominated. I don't think anyone in the audience understood either. I don't even think the director understood.
17. Where was Jack, Nicole, Brad, Angie, Jennifer, Tom? Where was the tension? Where was everyone???
18. When Barbara said, "the time has come", Kathryn assumed it was her. Imagine if it was Lee who won. That would have been hilarious!!!!!
Friday, March 5, 2010
No it's not.
I had to have a pelvic ultrasound and a thyroid ultrasound this morning. In order to have my pelvic ultrasound, I needed to have a full bladder. After two bottles of water, I sat in the waiting room for my 9:30am appointment. I got there early because I always get to appointments early. By 9:38 I thought my bladder was going to explode so I went to the reception to ask when my turn was. I said, "I have a full bladder and I can't go much longer". This is a sign I am getting older because I could always hold my bladder when I was younger!
Then one of the mothers of one of the clients at my organization walked in and sat down in reception and started talking really really loudly. Very Jewishish. Fortuntaley for me my bladder was annoying me much more than her so I didn't think too much of it.
Then I went it to have the ultrasound and I had get naked from the waist down and put on a robe, which I couldn't figure out. Then I had to have a ultrasound and my clock started ticking and for a tiny moment. And I mean tiny moment, I was wishing I was having a baby ultrasound. That quickly passed. Then, I hear her say, we need insert the probe into your vagina to get a closer image. Awesome. "Do you mind?". "No, I don't mind, whatever you have to do to get in there." "Ok...it's like a tampon going in. Just insert."
THE LAST TIME I CHECKED A TAMPON WAS NOT THE SIZE OF A DILDO.
Then one of the mothers of one of the clients at my organization walked in and sat down in reception and started talking really really loudly. Very Jewishish. Fortuntaley for me my bladder was annoying me much more than her so I didn't think too much of it.
Then I went it to have the ultrasound and I had get naked from the waist down and put on a robe, which I couldn't figure out. Then I had to have a ultrasound and my clock started ticking and for a tiny moment. And I mean tiny moment, I was wishing I was having a baby ultrasound. That quickly passed. Then, I hear her say, we need insert the probe into your vagina to get a closer image. Awesome. "Do you mind?". "No, I don't mind, whatever you have to do to get in there." "Ok...it's like a tampon going in. Just insert."
THE LAST TIME I CHECKED A TAMPON WAS NOT THE SIZE OF A DILDO.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
March Madness
2010 started off with a bang for me! This was the first year in many years that I literally felt a difference inside myself and I KNEW this was going to be a great year. And great things did start happening. And for that, I am really excited about my present and my future. (In my personal life at least).
That being said, I feel like I am heading into March with only a lottery ticket for a few games of the bracket that I am about to experience for March Madness. It's anyone's game at this point and I need to stay on target if I am going to win this championship.
In the month of March, I need to do a few things to keep me from falling short of a victory. First, I need to keep planning for my big work event on March 27. I have to keep my head high and stay focused and get all the major details underway so it a successful event.
Next, I need to purge my apartment. I had a mouse infestation and I baasically have to clean and sterlize and purge everything that I have. And I need to realize that I can't do this all in one day. I can only win one game at a time before I move ahead to the finals.
Then, I have to make doctors appointments and dentist appointments to follow up on my health and my cracked tooth (which I think I just got by clenching for two weeks).
If I can make it through March, I have amazing outcomes waiting for me. Not a championship trophy but even better. I get a visit from chicken, a week vacation in Seattle, tulips, a trip to NYC to see Billy Eliot and the Boston Marathon.
March=April which=? But for now, I just need to get through March.
That being said, I feel like I am heading into March with only a lottery ticket for a few games of the bracket that I am about to experience for March Madness. It's anyone's game at this point and I need to stay on target if I am going to win this championship.
In the month of March, I need to do a few things to keep me from falling short of a victory. First, I need to keep planning for my big work event on March 27. I have to keep my head high and stay focused and get all the major details underway so it a successful event.
Next, I need to purge my apartment. I had a mouse infestation and I baasically have to clean and sterlize and purge everything that I have. And I need to realize that I can't do this all in one day. I can only win one game at a time before I move ahead to the finals.
Then, I have to make doctors appointments and dentist appointments to follow up on my health and my cracked tooth (which I think I just got by clenching for two weeks).
If I can make it through March, I have amazing outcomes waiting for me. Not a championship trophy but even better. I get a visit from chicken, a week vacation in Seattle, tulips, a trip to NYC to see Billy Eliot and the Boston Marathon.
March=April which=? But for now, I just need to get through March.
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