50 Shades of Red

I got into the 50 shades of grey series and woahhhhhh, those books are hot! Talk about passion!  I had to look up some of the things online thought because I had no idea what a butt plug or a leg spreader were. Luckily, google gave me some idea.  Now, everywhere I look, I wonder if people have kinky sex like that!  Or, once they read the book, if they will. Also, does the author of the book have this kind of sex?

I'm pretty sure that the next time I see a lesbian with a carabeaner hooked to her belt loop, I'm going to seriously wonder what she does at home!!

Ok that was too much. Period.

So my 30 day yoga challenge kind of...well um ended.  It's not that I don't love yoga now but going everyday with a full time job and a dog was just too hard and it was putting unnecessary pressure on myself.  I decided that there was absolutely no reason to put that kind of pressure on myself it wasn't enjoyable.  One thing they say in yoga a lot is that if you aren't enjoying a pose, then you should change it up so you do.  So, I decided that I will do yoga on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays and on the weekend do some sort of cardio whether biking or hiking or just a nice long run!

So this leads me to Thursday when I had the complete opposite of yoga. I was getting my period so I was having so many cravings that I never ever have!!  First, E and I went to Jim's deli and instead of my usual turkey or a chicken salad sandwich, I ordered the Brookline.  The Brookline had pastrami, corned beef, turkey, russian dressing, cheese and cole slaw!!!  I ate almost the whole things, with a pickle (not sour but that's ok....wasn't a jewish deli) and a side of french fries.  It didn't end there either.  I got a black raspberry shake as well later.

Well the period has arrived thank god so I don't think I'll be ordering meat sandwiches like that for awhile...or at least another three weeks or so.

Yo Bud-get

I'm taking a quick time-out from writing about yoga for one blog that has nothing to do with yoga.

This was my conversation in a meeting today.  No lie.

Douchebag:  "Um, Laura. I didn't ask what you can't do.  I asked what you can do.  For two years you've been telling me what you can't do."

Me:  "No, I've been telling you what I am technologically capable of."

Douchebag:  "Aren't you a designer.  Why can't you just design it."

Me:  "I can. However, I'm not a web designer so I don't know how to do that part." 

Douchebag:  "Who can?"

Me:  "Well I'm the only one in my department with no support so I'm not sure."

Douchebag:  "Well I have some money in my budget to get a web developer."

Me:  "Oh really, you have thousands of dollars?  That's what it will cost."

Douchebag:  "No, it won't cause you will do most of it."

Me:  "Why don't you take some money from your budget and put me in a class so I can actually learn how to do it."

Douchebag:  "No, we aren't going to do that."

Ahhh, I love a company that believes in personal and career development.  Don't you.

Yoga Challenge Day 6

Day 6:
I didn't go to a yoga class today. Instead, I drove two hours with Fred up to NH and hiked Mt. Cardigan.  I haven't done a solo hike in years and with the way I have been feeling, it was really special for myself to be able to do that.  It was difficult at times for sure.  My legs were killing me.  I honestly have no idea how I climbed last year in Peru.  Yoga and hiking use different muscles I think.  Or maybe they don't but it is a whole different kind of exercise.  I wasn't out of breathe as I usually am hiking, which was good.  I just took it really slow.  I took what I am trying to learn in yoga, which is patience and taking one moment at a time.  I stopped hoping that I reached the top of the mountain and I just took it slow, swatted A LOT of bugs, stepped in a lot of mud and made it to the top in a little over two hours. 

Fred was very patient with me.  He was the most amazing climber I've ever seen.  I kept telling him he was a show-off.  We ran into two girls on the ledge and one of them looked at Fred and said, "do you know how lucky you are to be able to do this."  I just smiled because I am lucky too.  To be able to drive and climb and get to see such beautiful things by actually working for it....and to wear my sweeet under armour long-sleeved shirt at the top which makes me feel bad ass. So lucky.

Anyway, I did my flip the dog at the top just so I can say I did yoga.  The picture is above.  But, I think in a way, taking my time and knowing I was lucky, was also a form of yoga. 

Yoga Challenge Day 5

Day 5:
For the record, I took this picture days later. I forgot to take one on that day.  This is my hand at work.

I love Friday classes. There is just something so nice about finishing up a work week and then going to the 6:00 class.  It was the teacher Daniel's last day so he made it 90 minutes...and so many people love him that the class had about 50 people in it.  There was not an inch to be had.  I even got to see the person's feet in front of me, with a band-aid on it and everytime I did upward dog I kept thinking "i wonder what she did." 

Yeah, this focusing thing....I need to get better at it.  It is one of the hardest things to do in life.  Just focus on yourself.  I listen to what the teachers say and how you can't stop your mind but you can just listen for your breathe and I know that it is possible. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet. 

I can figure out things like a back bend or a pigeon.  But, to actually take time NOT to focus on things I want to improve in my life; things I want to change, that is lesson I haven't mastered yet.  I am 35 and I haven't mastered it yet.  And that is what I am going to start to do.

Yoga Challenge Day 4

Day 4:
So, I didn't "exactly" go to yoga today.  Work was long and I had a thing to do to after work which lasted until 7, which meant that I missed one of my favorite yoga classes of the week.  By the time, I got Fred from my friend's house, there wasn't a yoga class left.  So, I decided to download a yoga application on my phone that I could use at home.  I had every itention of doing this but by the time I bought a cheeseburger and french fries from pizza etc, it was time to sit down for Grey's Anatomy and Scandal (which is actually getting better).  And Grey's....who is going to die this week!??  Anyway, so I would say day 4 involved buying a yoga app, which clearly in my mind, means I did yoga.

Yoga Challenge Day 3

Today was probably the worst day yet for me.  I couldn't sleep the night before and I woke up with this overwhelming feeling of solitutde and emptimness.  I couldn't get out of bed but I did manage to go in and see my therapist, who was super worried about me.  She called my psychiatrist who has decided to up my meds.  I am on the lowest dose possible (my choice) but unfortuantley, that works great when things in my life are wonderful.  However, when something goes wrong, I tend to be more vulnerable to losing it.  So, I'm upping the dose. No big deal. Whatever helps.  I cried all day.  I cried before yoga.  I cried during shavashana (or however you spell it) and I cried on the way home.  But then I got home and I felt a little better. 

The laundry, however, is not happy.  When will I have time to do it????

Day 3
Today was a new teacher.  He was okay. He talked with a very sweet voice and instead of affirmations, he really focused on how to do the moves. It was a foundations beginning course.  However, I completely rocked the plank, I felt myself do pushups with much more ease, and I did 3 backbends!  And I was sweating profusely again!!!  I need to google this. 

I decided that to reward myself when this is finished I am going to finally get that back tattoo I've been wanting for years. So, in June I'm getting that tat!!!  And my back will be looking really good for it!!

Yoga Challenge Day 2

It was really really hard to get out of bed on Tuesday.  I called in sick and basically laid in my bed all day crying.  It's just what I have to do.  We all have our way of dealing with hurt and pain and that is my way. I hate myself when I do that but it's part of me and that's all I can say about that.

Day 2
I like this teacher. I like what he has to say while he is talking.  You have to hold your poses for a very long time when you are in his class.  I managed to do pretty well and only had to go into child's pose twice, which was pretty amazing considering how I was feeling inside.  I tried to focus just on my breathing but of course my mind drifted to the girl and how much I love her but I found my way back to the breathing.  It doesn't hurt that my pants aren't tight anymore and I actually feel like my back is forming muscles.  Again, I did the backbend.

My boobs almost came out a couple of times.  I still don't understand why I seem to sweat more than anyone else in the class.  I look around. (Yes, I do even though you aren't supposed to) and I look at other people and I am drenched in sweat.  Drenched!  I need two towels and a yogitoe towel just to keep dry.  But sweating is a good thing. 

Yoga challenge day 1

A few things have led me to my personal challenge of doing 30 sessions of yoga in 30 days. Mostly though I need to find my inner strength, which is also the name of my studio. Most days I will go there but I'll also do some at home.  It's hot and sweaty yoga, and I love that.  My friend called my a strong warrior woman.  Ironically, I've been called a warrior before. So, maybe I am. Maybe I can really do this. Maybe I can get stronger and get a fine ass and smaller boobs and plank the hell out of myself.

What I like about yoga is that you only focus on yourself and your breathing and making sure you are doing what is right for your body. Last night the teacher said to look forward and not around at other people, which we all have a tendacy to do. That's the truth. I am always comparing my life to other peoples lives. Love, success, happiness, adventures. I dont want to do that anymore.

However, at the same time, it is my turn to love and be loved back.  To myself and by others. And I do love right now. I truly do love someone with my whole heart but she is on a space break from me. I would do anything for her so allowing her to breathe and heal so she can come back to me is just something I am doing. It's so hard because I deserve this love and I miss it. But for now I need to look ahead and just focus on my breathing and the moves I am making and have faith that I will get her love and she will find the strength the same way I do.  So while this isn't exactly the break I was looking to catch, maybe it's exactly how it is supposed to be.

Day 1

I was a little tired going in to yoga tonight but I was also excited to start my challenge. At times I started to look around and compare my leg stretching with others but I tried to just focus back on myself. In time I'll get to a split. I did manage to flip my dog which was funny. I also did a wheel back bend for five breaths which was very satisfying. I remember when I was young I used to go from a stand to a back bend with such ease. I was also not a double d cup size then!!!! All in all I think I had a pretty good class. I did think about my girl but I will learn in the next 30 days to set those toughts free. Maybe if they are free, true love will prevail...I hope so.  Also, if I pray hard enough, a washer and dryer will magically appear at my door.