Yesterday was Friday. By Friday, I am tired. Not physically but mentally. I have a rough outer edge a lot and my inside is so sweet and tender that sometimes by Friday I just melt. I am able to hold in so much during the week things that affect me: being bored, occasional lapses of self esteem, girls who say they want to date me but then just stop talking to me, friends who hurt my feelings, feeling overweight, being confused at work, everything that everyone goes through I guess.
But on Friday at work, someone said something to me that made me upset. And in my head I thought, "I wish I had a masters degree so I could look at her and say, 'i'll wipe my ass with my masters...how about that?'" Instead, I hung up the phone and went outside in the sun. People can be so unhelpful sometimes. And truthfully, just plain mean for no reason. So, on my way out the door, a man with Downs Syndrome asked if I needed help with a big smile.
I put on my extra large sunglasses and just started to bawl in the parking lot. Why? Because when I let go of all the things that affect me negatively during the week and let, for one moment, someone who is naive to the woahs of life and so good and so kind in, I let loose and I let go. So, I bawled. For about 20 seconds. Then I was ok.
That led me to hot yoga this morning. I thought I'd try something that is supposedly good for your mind. I just came back and I am a hot, sweaty pig right now! I like it ok. I used to do pilates and I am more into that I think. Pilates is about strength building and I like that. Yoga is more about breathing and making really weird noises. And I think I am too silly for yoga. It's hard and the more I do it, the better I will be I know. There needs to be a yoga for silly people.