Laura Goldberg

Laura Goldberg

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

White Liar, MD

So I have a little bit of a problem.  I am probably one of the most honest people you will meet.  When I have something to say, I say it.  I'm usually very tactful unless you piss me off enough to make it to my blog...then I may or may not be "as" tactful.  But, in general, I am open and honest and genuine and I make people feel comfortable enough so they can be too.

One problem. The one person I am not this brutally open with is my primary care physican.  I have seen the same woman since 2001. I don't like her very much. She has long stringy gray hair and she has pictures of her three boys up in the room so when I'm sitting there in my stirups or for whatever reason I go in, I have to see her three boys staring at me.  Not cool.

Anyway, the problem I have is that she has no idea I am gay and I have been lying to her about it for so long that my white lie has just reached the point of no return and I need a new doctor.

I was on the birth control pills for 14 years to control my period because....blah, blah, blah...I am nothing short of inconsistent.  Anyway, she actually once took my hand and looked to see if I had a ring on my finger before she would prescribe again.  Last time I went in, my blood pressure was so high because she kept asking if I was sexually active, which I wasn't at the time.  But then she says, "last time you said you weren't.  are you saying for two years you haven't been?"...woah, get a grip woman.  I totally have.  But instead I said, "well, i guess a little."  and she says, "do you use protection" and I say "yes" ...then she gives me STD tests!!!!  jesus. I can't ever go back there!!!

Another problem, I have been PMSing for almost 2.5 months.  I am off birth control and of course I am irregular again.  I haven't had it but everyday I experience all the symptons and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  Imagine what it feels like for 2 days before your period. I've had it for 2.5 months!!!!!!  I am seriously thinking of sticking a pin inside and popping that damn egg myself!  Every. I mean every emotion is running through me and that includes irritability and laziness.  I can't wait to go home and nap!

So, I need to call Fenway, where I can stand up straight and say I'm gay. And hopefully leave without a fistful of condoms!

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